Well I thought about the army
Dad said, 'Son you're fucking high'
And I thought, 'yeah there's a first for everything'
So I took my old man's advice

3 sad semesters
It was only 15 grand
Spent in bed
I thought about the army
I dropped out and joined a band instead

Grew a moustache and a mullet
Got a job at Chick-fil-A
Citing artistic differences the band broke up in May
And in June reformed without me
And they got a different name
And nuked another grandma's apple pie
And hung my head in shame

Been thinking a lot today
Been thinking a lot today
Think I'll write a screenplay
Think I'll take you to LA
Think I'll get it done yesterday
(ah shit!)

In this time of introspection
On the eve of my election
I say to my reflection
God please spare me more rejection

'Cause my peers they criticize me
And my ex-wives all despise me
Try to put it all behind me
But my redneck past is nipping at my heels (ha ha ha ha)

Thinking a lot today
Been thinking a lot today
Been thinking a lot today

I thought about the army